Ahh yes, the classic pizza topping of *checks notes* five whole peppers.

‘I’m doing the London marathon this year,’ your worst friend says, in the pub, drinking a soda water while you all chug your fifth pint. They’ve been to the gym nearly every day of January, their skin’s amazing, and their profile photo is at the peak of a mountain. Now they are running the London Marathon. You can’t even afford to take an Uber over that distance. You, furious person in pub, have three options in front of you: a) declare that you, too, will do the London marathon, and renew your life insurance, b) slam your pint glass onto the floor because no this isn’t an over-reaction, you’re the failure, Ethan or c) completely trump your mate’s boring revelation by telling the group that you are racing in the most ridiculous run of all time. A Pizza Run.

Having started off in – where else – the US, the Pizza Run is launching in six cities across the UK, travelling from Bristol to Cardiff, Leeds, Birmingham, Manchester and London. The premise is exactly what you think it is: for £20 competitors race 5km across Battersea Park, but along the way, instead of desperately drinking bottles of water, you eat pizza. Fancy dress is encouraged, with people dressing as pizzas or, like, pepperoni and stuff, and at the end you’ll get a pizza-themed medal. The top finishers get prizes too, which I imagine will have something to do with pizzas. Once the race is finished, there'll be an afterparty where people will take squad photos and you can meet your fellow pizza runners, all to the soundtrack of cheesy songs (I made the music bit up but I swear to Cheesus that better be the soundtrack). So if your idea of cardiovascular health is confusing the hell out of your arteries, this is the run for you. Suck it, Ethan.

The 5K Pizza Run will be held at Battersea Park on Sunday 20th May 2018, from 11am to 3pm.