Whether you're a bartender, bar patron or a pint of beer, you'll have heard these, and you wont be best pleased with them. So as a little guide to bar etiquette, we've come up with a few suggestions for what NOT to say to the lovely ladies and gents serving you a liquid refreshment on a night out in Birmingham. 

1. 'It's my birthday, can I have a free drink?'

Hey pal, if we gave everyone who had a birthday in Birmingham a free drink, i'd be out of a job; forced to take up a role as entertainment at your next birthday bash, juggling pug puppies and being angry about it. 

2. 'Oh heck, I don't know what I want, SURPRISE ME!'

1. I'm not a mind reader. 2. I'm not a mind reader. 3. I'M NOT A MIND READER. If you wanted a surprise you should have stayed at home with a box of kinder eggs.

3. 'Make mine a 'Slippery Nipple', wink wink, nudge nudge'

Aw, at first I thought I was flattered by your advances. But with sick down your front and your shoes on the wrong way round? Naw, i'm going over there now.

4. 'HOW MUCH?! This cocktail was way cheaper in Gatecrasher'

Go to Gatecrasher then.

5. 'Can I touch your beard?'

Of all the beards in all the towns you think i'm going to let you touch mine? Order a drink, then go grow your own.

6. 'How long will it take to make? I'm in a hurry'

First things first, you came to a bar for a drink. Secondly, would you ask Leonardo Da Vinci to hurry the Mona Lisa? YOU CAN'T HURRY ART PAL.