Whether you're a bartender, bar patron or a pint of beer, you'll have heard these, and you wont be best pleased with them. So as a little guide to bar etiquette, we've come up with a few suggestions for what NOT to say to the lovely ladies and gents serving you a liquid refreshment on a night out in Birmingham. 

1. 'It's my birthday, can I have a free drink?'

Hey pal, if we gave everyone who had a birthday in Birmingham a free drink, i'd be out of a job; forced to take up a role as entertainment at your next birthday bash, juggling pug puppies and being angry about it. 

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2. 'Oh heck, I don't know what I want, SURPRISE ME!'

1. I'm not a mind reader. 2. I'm not a mind reader. 3. I'M NOT A MIND READER. If you wanted a surprise you should have stayed at home with a box of kinder eggs.

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3. 'Make mine a 'Slippery Nipple', wink wink, nudge nudge'

Aw, at first I thought I was flattered by your advances. But with sick down your front and your shoes on the wrong way round? Naw, i'm going over there now.

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4. 'HOW MUCH?! This cocktail was way cheaper in Gatecrasher'

Go to Gatecrasher then.

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5. 'Can I touch your beard?'

Of all the beards in all the towns you think i'm going to let you touch mine? Order a drink, then go grow your own.

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6. 'How long will it take to make? I'm in a hurry'

First things first, you came to a bar for a drink. Secondly, would you ask Leonardo Da Vinci to hurry the Mona Lisa? YOU CAN'T HURRY ART PAL. 

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