Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and for those of you that are lucky enough to be settled down with Mr or Mrs right it's a relatively pleasant and simple hurdle to get over. Chocolates, wine and a dinner for two being the foundations for success. For some that are still scouring the far corners of Manchester for 'the one', it's got the potential to be an unrelenting monster of a day consisting of a hot around the collar combination of bad nervous chatter and worse aftershave. We've thrown together our fool-proof guide of things that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you do on a first date in Manchester. Take it from us, we're something of experts in the dodgy dating department. 

Take Her to The Printworks...

Built for young, single locals to tear up the dance floors and sink endless Jagerbombs whilst eyeing up the next person they'll be getting their teeth into. Perfect for the wild weekend party people but (aside from the odd quiet nook) this place is about as romantic as a dog turd. 

Geordie Shore

Talk About Your Ex...

Okay, she might of been the hottest piece of ass this side of the Pennines but she still left you for that hot Italian dude during the summer, and the newest member of your dating portfolio doesn't want to hear of your peril. Get a grip and remember, it's all in the past. 

Get Smashed on Zombies at Liars Club...

It's all too easy to give it the Barry Big Spuds on a first date, but don't be ordering Zombie cocktails like they're going out of fashion. A few of those bad boys and you might think your as smooth and sexy as Gosling, when really you're rougher and rowdier than a WWE Wrestler.

Talk About Your Most Recent Sexual Conquests...

We all know how happy you must be about scoring that absolute stunner last weekend, but if we don't want to here it, your date certainly doesn't. You are not down the local with the lads, and no one is going to high five you for setting a modest new personal best. Let her find out your dirty secrets all on her own, or at the very least, on Facebook. 

Flirt, Stare or Undress With Your Eyes Any Member of Staff at Any Bar in Spinningfields...

It's the hottest new area in Manchester that attracts the hottest people from across the land. Naturally the bartenders, waiters and staff are a dreamy bunch, but have a snippet of self control, yeah? Don't get caught drooling into your starter or drooling at all, for that matter. Eyes on the prize and off that girl's thighs gentleman, please. 

Order a Plate of Extra-Hot Spicy Wings...

Of all the ways you can show your masculinity this would usually rank reasonably high. However (from previous experience) girls don't like A) Spicy wing breath and B) Watching their date gnaw meat off the carcass of an animal whilst sweating and wiping the remaining bits of sauce off on their new shirt. Or in fact, C) a savage combination of all of the above. 

Be Too Honest. Or Tell a Dirty Lie...

If you're desperate and lonely and that's the gods' honest truth, we suggest you keep that under your hat. In the same vein, if you're not a retired porn star that owns a penthouse suite in the Hilton, don't tell her you are. Keep it simple, stupid. 

So, it's rather simple really, stick to these rules and you'll stand half a chance at least of securing that second date. Think we've missed any out? Got a tip that could help a brother out? Get in touch on twitter, @DMNManchester with #dmndatenight